You can never go home….

There has been an extraordinary development in the trial of Wulandari Castellana. The defence have argued that - whilst technically being the person who murdered her husband, Haweeyo Castellana, as well as several of their mutual work colleagues at a dinner party at their family home - she was under the control of the narrative aspect of 'Despair' at the time - and therefore not responsible for her actions.

Whilst the formerly fringe theory of 'narrative aspects' has been gaining momentum as more and more is understood about the incredible and frightening changes that have transformed the world completely, this trial marks the first time where this theory has been presented as a credible defence in a court of law.

The outcome of this trial will set a precedent for how our legal system will function in future - how our society will adapt to grapple with the challenges of living in a world where it seems our actions are no longer entirely our own.

POLYGLOT CANTATA - 'A QUESTANT SEEKS THE TOMBS OF THE RAVENOUS DEAD'

Questant is the second full length record from the seven-strong collective of 'philosopher-artists' behind the project known as Polyglot Cantata. Whilst their debut record could have been said to heft an atonal axe at the trunk of the tree known as 'popular music', Questant dispenses with the axe in favour of an all-out musical saturation bombing of the forest in which this fair tree - a heretofore bounteous oak - grew and provided for its many and varied dependents.

The record begins with over four minutes of spoken word poetry, interspersed with experimental synthetic noises, which bubble and pop, warble and wail in the background; sometimes fading out of earshot, sometimes rising to a dizzying crescendo. Not content with this cacophony, layered in between the music, shouted as if from below the room where the recording is being taken, a wild voice screams 'THE DEAD. THE DEAD. THE DEAD'. This adulteration is at first comic, then distracting; finally, the voice takes on a harrowing quality as the performer begins to scream themselves ragged, and the listener cannot help but flinch at the genuine pain being inflicted upon the artist - one hopes voluntarily - in service of their work. At this point all sounds cease, and a frantic jazz solo begins…

“Who can say what is real and what is not, in this world of 'narrative makes right?'. The information age is ended; we are entering a 'post-truth' era, where the limitations of human experience have become an order of magnitude greater. Before it was sufficient to philosophise quite serenely about labels and properties of things, 'your red is not my red', and so forth, because, outside of a couple of admittedly important concerns, the pragmatic effects of this supposed difference in perception was minor.

Enter the narrative aspect. Now we have evidence - as near as there can be evidence anymore - that two people can sit through the same experience, and have such wildly divergent sets of thoughts and recollections that it absolutely boggles the mind. One person can say that they were in a well-lit comfortable room, listening to choral music and dining on fine meats, talking pleasantly about how to change the world for a better; another reports that they were in a dungeon of sorts, clamorous notes howling in their ears, dining on naught but grit and gruel, all while the voice of their cruel tormentor lanced them with veiled jabs at the deepest fears and insecurities.

Whither justice? Whither politics? How can I speak truth to power if the pall of doubt can be cast on every testimony, every human experience?”

REAL LIFE SHAKESPEARE PRESENTS: 'TWELFTH NIGHT' - BOOK NOW!

Love theatre? Love drama? Find that the old plays and books that once were oh-so compelling don't do it for you any more? Aren't realistic enough? Down in scenic Croberingham-on-Sea, we have the cure for what ails you!

For the last few years, without fail, our sleepy village has experienced a curious - but amazing! - phenomenon. The events of The Bard's very own 'Twelfth Night' - keep happening, but in real life! And, with the latest shipwreck to hit the coast - our fifth to date - now is the perfect time to book your stay and experience 'Real Life Shakespeare' in person. Who will be Sebastian? Viola? Malvolio?

Could it be YOU?

Don't miss your chance to experience this charming and ageless comedy unfold in Cromberingham once again.

EINARSSON 'EMPIRE-AFFILIATED'; CANADA AND USA ON BRINK OF WAR

Chaos in the markets today as a recent study suggests that the Prime Minister Jabula Einarsson is being ruled by the aspect of Empire. The Institute of Narrative Studies, who published the emergency dossier yesterday, suggests that Empire is heavily opposed to the stories of Vengeance, which is currently ruling the American president, meaning that a clash between the two nations has become increasingly likely.

Dr Belinda Crane, one of the chief researchers at the Institute, has the following to say: “Empire has always been something of an unknown quantity. However, thanks to a recent breakthrough where we were able to analyse the experiences of several individuals under their influence to create a profile of their narrative inclination and key indicators. It is our belief that Jabula Einarsson is displaying the classic symptoms of Empire-affiliation. Obviously, we have known about Vengeance's inclinations for quite some time.”

“Hello, and welcome back to TropeWatch! - with me, your host, Siegfried Wu. We ask the question on everbody's lips - what's up with Love Unrequited? We haven't had a positive identification of anyone ruled by them for over six months. Seems like this aspect has been taking some time off. Not that I'm complaining - maybe now one of my many crushes will write me back!”

HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY
by Koichi Lavoisier (Prophecy)

EXILE

Change the filters on your taps. You've suspected that they've been tampering with the water supply for years. You were right. Curse the names of those who have wronged you under your breath. It will help you concentrate.

At your business lunch, complain about the soup of the day. They will send the chef out to speak to you. Note closely the ring on his middle finger. He shares your passion for justice, and has an excellent understanding of high-yield explosives.

HUBRIS

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat your now-familiar mantra. There is nothing you can't achieve. There is nothing you can't overcome. Your skin is just a meniscus. Sickness is a state of mind. You have proven the doctors wrong. Prove them wrong again.

There is a place in the world where the most toxic thing exists. You know this because you have dreamt about it every night for the last two weeks. The strange heat; the rough, uneven, shape. You will go to this place. You will commune with its radioactive heart.

What does not kill you only makes you stronger.

TRADITION

Food is growing ever more scarce. Your ancestors knew an excellent cure for fallow fields. Submerge the offerings in water, with heavy shackles. There is some historical dispute about the order the bones should be broken, but we are confident that you will understand what to do when the moment is upon you.